You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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