yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
