I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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