my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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