I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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