I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
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Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
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We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
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