Tell her she can't have a vagina
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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