Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
