I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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