I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
