i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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