Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
