Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
