i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
