Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
