i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
