This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize