it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
