FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
