so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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