the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize
