I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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