I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
