His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
