Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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