I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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