6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
