please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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