Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This is the high leading the old right now
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
