if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
