Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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