i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
