He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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