You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
