so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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