You really coming over, don't trick.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
