3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
