I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
time to smoke my breakfast
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
