and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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