the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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