I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
