upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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