I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
