If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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