she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
