so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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