yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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