plz talk dirty to me
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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