My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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