So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
