u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you never un-have a 4some
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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