Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
