If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
There's always time for handjobs
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
