I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
