We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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