You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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