I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
