brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
