so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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