Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
