Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
