It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
