Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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