he shaved USA in his pubs
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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