Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
