"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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