check it out our google latitudes are spooning
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
