his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
