she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
