My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
