Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize