My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize