i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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