direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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