She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
