Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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