I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
