it's not cheating when I paid for it
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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